You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
