Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
