I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
