he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
