just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
