Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
