he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
