Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
