I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
