I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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