My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
