I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
