Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
