Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
