Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
