He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
