I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
