Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
