Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
