party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
