Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
