Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
