Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
