Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
