508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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