I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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