matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
