Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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