I'm drive I can fine osifer
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She told me I should be a condom model.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
