A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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