everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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