im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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