I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
