now i know why i became what i already was.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she smelled like a LAN party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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