Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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