Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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