Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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