After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
