I am spending my child support on dildos
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
