you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
