Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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