at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
