Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
