Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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