Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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