I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
