Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
