But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
