He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
