she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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