i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
