First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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