If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
