she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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