dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
