'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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