i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
