**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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